I struggled with identifying and connecting with my feelings during my younger years. To be completely honest, this is something I have struggled with almost my entire life. It wasn't until recently; I learned the importance of recognizing and connecting with my feelings to help me heal and navigate life. When I stepped back and observed my life, I quickly learned at a very young age that expressing emotions only led to hurt, dismissiveness, and exploitation. Many of the adults in my life rarely discussed or expressed emotions, and if they did, it was minimal, which resulted in limited emotional intelligence on my part.
Growing up in a black household was an experience to remember, and I wouldn't trade it for the world. In my experience, being strong, guarded, and defensive was a must. At all times, I felt I needed to remain silent and guarded to protect my innermost, even from the individuals who were closest to me. I was shown that no one had time for vulnerability; it was a sign of weakness. In my childlike mind, I concluded that at any time vulnerability was shown, I would break into tiny pieces or, at worst, lose myself.
On this self-realizing journey, I have learned to challenge old beliefs, mindsets, patterns, and contracts that have never severed me or no longer serve me. I realized as a young child I made a mental contract with myself that I would never practice vulnerability for fear of truly showing up and being seen. I now understand that vulnerability is the birthplace of self-love, and I intentionally practice it with myself and others.
The more I practice vulnerability, transparency, and intentionality, the more the universe speaks to me. I received a download the other night that simply stated: "We must feel our way through life!" So many things came up for me as I digested this download, one being the importance of connecting to self. Learning to connect to my body and emotions has been the leading cause of my enlightenment.
It's not always easy to identify and connect to my feelings; however, I now understand doing so helps me to maneuver through life easily and effortlessly. This download reminded me of feeling our way through life without eyes. Generally, individuals without visual sight rely on other senses to help navigate the world. I visualize a person wandering in the dark, attempting to find the exit point. We must go within the internal depths of our being, which can be compared to darkness, to feel around and find the exit to freedom.
I've learned to identify my feelings, allow myself to feel whatever I may be feeling, and allow it to pass through. Moreover, I learned to detach from the feeling and not allow it to overtake me. Often, we aren't willing or ready to identify or acknowledge the feeling simply because it feels unbearable. Additionally, many of us were conditioned to believe our feelings were insignificant, which caused suppression. At any time, we fail to acknowledge how we feel, we dishonor ourselves.
I practiced dishonoring myself almost my whole life; however, that has since changed. I am so grateful that I know with my whole entire being that I am worthy of honoring myself; this includes giving myself permission to feel whatever I may be experiencing at that moment, allowing it to pass through, and determining which direction I should go from there. To everyone reading this writing, please know you are loved and valued. Begin practicing self-validation by noticing your feelings and needs and accepting them without judgment. Feel your way through life and find your way to freedom! You are worthy!
As always, the divine in me recognizes the divine in you!
-Keyanna
“It’s important to acknowledge all your feelings and not beat yourself up for having them. Your feelings are not good or bad, they just are.” -Iyanla Vanzant